remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
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I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
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You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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