i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize