Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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