Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
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Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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