I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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