Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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