Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
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Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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