last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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