Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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