I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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