last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
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I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
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I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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