Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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