i think my mom watched the whole time
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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