You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
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I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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