i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize