I hate all girls vehemently.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
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Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
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Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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