I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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