well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
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im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
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He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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