Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
nutella sex= disaster
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she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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