last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
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He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
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I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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