Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
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I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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