I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize