so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
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Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
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You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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