Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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