I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize