So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize