My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize