How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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