Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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