Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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