Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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