i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
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They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
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I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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