Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
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We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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