After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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