How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
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