Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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