from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
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Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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