i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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