So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
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I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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