okay pat passed out under dana's car
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize