so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
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He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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