what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
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Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
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i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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