I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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