White coat. Heels.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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