if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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