I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Life is so much better after having sex.
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My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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