shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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