he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
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I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
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Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize