I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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