Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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