is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
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I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
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In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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